Welcome back. I'm Rick Valassi, and you - you lucky bastards - are listening to "Wouldn't You Know It."

Rick Valassi is a freelance reporter, conspiracy theorist, and radio show broadcaster/podcaster. A New York City native, his personal pirate radio show is called ''Wouldn't You Know It,'' where he talks about the current issues with Manhattan, what he has found out about various topics, and his myriad rumors and theories. His radio show can be heard very frequently over the radios at safe houses and the Base of Operations.

Rick's radio reports include many topics, generally providing a semi-informed civilian's perspective on the events of the game. Topics include the nature of the Green Poison, observations and warnings about the various factions across Manhattan, the Dark Zone, Directive 51 and the Division, and others. An admitted conspiracy theorist with a paranoid streak, most of his reporting is based on either first-hand observations or information from his "sources." He tends to be cynical about the current state of affairs but remains genuinely concerned for the city and his fellow New Yorkers, continually urging his listeners to stay safe, keep the faith, and keep him abreast of any new information that arises.

Rick admits to having stayed in Rikers Island for a short time in his youth.

The "Missing Person: Judy Walters" mission series features Valassi attempting to reach out to Judy Walters, a would-be whistleblower for the pharmaceutical company Vexix, to get her information on how her company may have withheld information on their progress towards a cure for the Green Poison. The final ECHO in the sequence - Judy accidentally struck dead in the street by a taxi cab - features Rick himself standing in the street, on the phone with a news editor and explaining how he saw the accident himself. With Judy's death, he momentarily lamented the loss of his story before finding her USB stick in the street, which ISAC identifies as containing "non-disclosed" information regarding Vexix. Rick proclaims that "this story isn't over" before walking off.